Love Story....it still aches within.....

Sunday afternoons I normally spend lazying over some movie on TV & today ZStudio was showing "Love Story", an epic written by Eric Segal.....it has been one of my favourites, over so many years. She had presented me with the book, a year before she left us. A poignant tale of two young souls in love & their journey through the roughs of life....the boy, Oliver Barrett, from an excessively wealthy family & the girl, Jennifer Calligiari, from a struggling background. Oliver & his father, the rich baron would never see eye to eye, with huge egos coming into play. Oliver walks out of his riches to marry Jennifer, willing to rough it out with the world. The differences in culture, the challenges of settling down, the conflicts, the girl working for an earning, while the boy studied Law....but Love prevailing.
The story however has a very heart wrenching ending, with Jenny being detected with Cancer(those days it had virtually no cure), & slowly drifting to death, as Oliver watches & endures with frustration. To manage medical expenses, he even pushes himself to go to his father & ask for 5000 USD, much that he hated himself to do so. And finally Jenny succumbs...in his arms, secured & loved....but life snuffed out !! A story worth reading for anyone in Love.....so deep, so intense..so poignant.

The movie took me back in times....memories came flashing by.....painful memories. A story that was so strikingly similar & dreadfully painful.
We were so much in love.....so many dreams.....so much to look forward to, and then she left me....or rather Leukemia took her away. I could only watch helplessly, as she endured pain,..... fought bravely for two months...... eventually the dark death slowly but surely engulfed her into oblivion. Her going away had made me silent....for a very long time(even today, I drift into inexplicable silence). Those were dark days.....hollow days......bottomless days. I left home...drifted from one place to another, over years....& honestly, I guess, am still drifting.
I have got into work, travelled to newer locations, met newer people, got into relationships, but somewhere, the pain remained, the void retained. The ache very much there, within the deepest recesses of my heart......alive & throbbing. Nothing has been able to remove the ache...people have come & gone..... relations in & out......situations good & bad.....but the pain has remained like a dull throb.
We were so committed, so much full, flowery & musical in Love...hardly a dull moment. Maybe too colourful & charming to last...to be true !!!! A fairy Love story nipped in the bud.
"I miss you......& I miss you so much that it really hurts......am Sorry, I could not stop the inevitable. Today there is cure & I can afford it, but you are gone....why????? I do feel sorry...I do feel let down !!!"....& I can hear you saying, "Love means never having to say you're Sorry........"(famous lines from the book)

Your Love still makes me Live & never say no to Life......, the moist eyes promise you a smile..through everything.....as long as I breathe.....

The forest, dark & deep, but I still have promises to keep.....& miles to go before I sleep (Robert Frost)!!!

Michael Jackson.....your music beats, & moonwalks, while u rest in peace...forever!!!

It was the mid 80's & I was just out of college those day......music used to keep my company & Cliff Richards, Steve Wonder, Roger Whittiker, Paul McCarteny etc would get me swinging. Around that time I first heard the voice of Michael Jackson......a rather queer voice which did not have the base or depth of my yester year favourites.....but there was something about the voice that was captivating. It would touch high notes with surprising ease, sometimes, giving a feeling that it was a woman singing. And the the King of the Pop exploded the scene with his now legendary Moonwalk.......it had set the world of teenagers & youngsters simpy beserk....the endearing eyes, the robotic dance movements, the crotch clutching gyrates........the high pitch musical scores......this was a show from out of imagination......Michael Jackson had become a household name across the globe.....His 'just beat it'.......seemed to be playing at every nook & corner, with audacious attempts at moonwalking by almost every youngster......it became a fad of the time.... In fact my first attempts at moonwalking had friends around me bursting into laughter as I kept messing up.....but still wanting to try once more.....Michael Jackson had come to stay in the hearts of music lovers...especially the rock, the hiphop, the pop beat lovers...... music had taken a new dimension, the world over. With him came to limelight, Janet, his sister, who had the looks & the body to mesmerise men the world over.

Michael had enough reasons, sometimes wrong, to attract the attention of media & papparazzi the world over. If his glittering costumes & funky black hat, with strands of hair loosely hanging by the sides drew squeals of wonder from the young crowd, his aviator glasses prevented the crowd from peering into his endearing eyes. His later public appearances as a masked man, & then donning a burqa gave him the Wacko Jacko name....giving way to speculations that all was not well with Michael. He was believed to be suffering from an inferiority complex of being black & went through multiple plastic surgeries in an attempt to change the colour of his skin. This resulted in serious abuse of the natural skin & there were reports of his nose crumbling, his skin peeling, & his eyes kept looking rounder & bigger, making him look unnatural & unreal. There were reports of drugs & child abuse as the King of Pop went into hiding & wilderness. The pressures of name & fame & glitz & glamour & lights & camera.......was probably too much for him to handle. The use & excessive abuse brought an untimely end to a legendary peformer in the wee hours of 26th June 2009. Michael finally succumbed to a cardiac arrest.

But Michael Jackson would live ever after in our memories, & we shall keep revisiting him through his numerous musical numbers......the ones that still gets feet tapping & body gyrating to funky yet frenzied beats.....the world over. Just beat it, Billie Jean, Bad, We are the world(co written with Lionel Richie), Dangerous, Earth Song etc would remain etched in the annals of musical history for ever.

Let the music Just beat it........ as Michael rests in peace.

My first steps in India

I was four years old then. Baba had got his transfer orders, & we were to shift from Nepal to India. My first steps out of my birthplace & into our country. (Incidentally, by birth, I can claim citizenship of Nepal). It was’nt so crowded those days, & neither the security measures so tight. It was a delegation of six families returning to India. I remember, we were five kids in all. The flight from Kathmandu to Patna was exhilarating for us, to say the least; unbound with wonder & joy. While the elders kept serious (as usual), & of course were busy overseeing that everything was in order, we kids were running around & yelling at every instance, squealing at every new thing that we saw, jaws dropping at the sight of the aeroplane…..it was complete chaos. On board the aircraft & airborne, we would rush into the cockpit & gape at the sky ahead, the foamy clouds forming a bed below….soft & white….in various shapes & sizes. All our childhood imagination of various images came to life in the white canvas. A very patient pilot was trying his best to explain to us all the functions at his controls, while the elderly airhostess, had a hard time coping with our enthusiasm……it must’ve been her first tryst with real brats.

Once we landed at Patna, it suddenly felt so alien. Gone were all the towering mountains, the snow, the small winding mountain roads, the yaks, the Nepalese, the chill of the Himalayas. Instead, it was grimy, sultry & dry heat. However, we kids were too occupied by what our eyes could lay sight on. Large buildings, so many people, a much larger airport, large trees……. We had finally landed on the soil of the mystical India, our own India. Baba & other men got busy with managing our luggage (it was a whole lot), the customs, the regulations etc, while Maa along with other ladies were managing us…the brats. Since the govt regulations were taking quite long, Baba being the head of the delegation, decided that he will stay back along with Maa & a couple of others, while the rest would take the airport transfer bus to the Govt guest house. I came to know later that, Baba had instructed an uncle to take care of me. Maa told him to be patient with me & make me have my lunch with the other kids. Maa also fondled me lovingly & told me to listen to the uncle & be good. Guess she was a little worried for me. It was a new place & I could not be trusted with my pranks & ideas. However, I was too excited with all that was happening around & did not notice, while getting into the bus that Maa was staying back. Someone told me that Maa was sitting behind & I need to behave & be quiet, else she will get down from the bus. So I sulked & sat quietly for a while. But the moment the bus started, we kids forgot everything about being quiet, & were squealing besides the driver, egging him to race. We started counting the number of cars & vans that we overtook. The roads were huge & different. Having come to India for the first time, we were totally at awe with whatever we saw, even for a small city like Patna.

When we got down at the guest house, everyone got busy with their belongings & their children. I was left alone & suddenly I felt vulnerable….suddenly I missed being with Maa. So I started asking for my Maa. Everyone was busy, & just told me to wait quietly. They could not bear my anxiety & one of the aunt, scolded me & told me to just shut up. She told me that because I have been so naughty, a goblin had thrown Maa off the bus , & now she will be able to come only if I behave & kept quiet. She thought this will make me shut up & sit quietly, but just the opposite happened. I bottled up for a brief while. I was scared for my Maa. How is she ?? Where is She?? Is she hurt?? She does’nt speak Hindi well at all. How will she ask for directions ???..... I had questions hitting me like arrows. Suddenly, turning around, I started walking back towards the main road. I had to bring my Maa back. Nobody realized that I slipped away.
In my mind, I was thinking. I felt I knew the road. It has to be one straight road (what else??...that’s how it was in Nepal). So I walked straight, and I walked & walked & walked till I could walk no longer. I was feeling hungry & thirsty & lost. Vehicles kept going by, people looking at me curiously, the heat getting to me….I felt quite dizzy. On top of everything, there was no sign of Maa. Where is she….how is she?? I started asking all passerby about her. I started telling them that we had just come this morning from Nepal, & Maa has been thrown off the bus by a goblin. Tears welled in my eyes…… I was worried, Maa was lost. Imagine my audacity, I did not know where I was, & here I was wondering that Maa was lost somewhere. I felt totally helpless. I could not check my emotions. Why did I play with my friends,…… I should have taken care of Maa. I was so angry with myself.
I stopped at a junction, not knowing where to go now, & started crying. Guess, I must’ve created quite a scene. I suddenly realized being surrounded by a crowd, not knowing what to do with me. From nowhere, a young boy(probably in his teens) emerged from the crowd & held my hand. He was very soft with me. Gasping between my breaths & managing my tears, I narrated the whole story. I told them all to help me find my Maa. Not once did I realize that it was me who was lost (ignorance is indeed bliss). That boy took me to a traffic policeman & they spoke something between themselves. Later, he put me up on a cycle rickshaw & took me to the Police Station. On the way, he kept me busy with stories. I vaguely remember it now. At the Police Station, I was given to eat some pakoras & sweets. I also had lassi. Food put me in good spirits. The police men probably found a playmate in me & were busy keeping me happy & occupied. They showed me a rifle & a pistol and I got busy playing ‘Chor – Police’… I don’t know how time went by. The elderly Policeman (must’ve been the Station in charge), told me lovingly that I should not worry, & Maa & Baba would be coming in soon. Suddenly, I saw Baba running in towards me, tears all over his face. I did not know what to say. All I could muster up was, “ why are you crying. See I am fine. Where is Maa??..... have you found her??? Is she ok???...has she eaten??” I was still not aware of the huge chaos I had created. Baba could only smile & wrap me up in his arms so very lovingly.

Meanwhile, at the other end, those people realized that I was missing, & the panicked. Baba was known for his short fuse & they were scared. I was nowhere to be found. Guess they somehow mustered up courage to contact him & tell him. Baba was simply livid. He screamed & was almost out of control with anger. They broke into a few groups & spread across the city looking for me. Those days, communication system was as primitive as one can imagine, & one had to depend on relaying messages through people. They went to various public places, various hospitals, various police stations. I was nowhere to be found. Imagine their plight !!! around late afternoon, a passerby told Baba that he had seen a man taking a small boy in a rickshaw. I matched the description of the boy he had seen. Those days child lifting was rampant, & Baba felt numb with fear. He believed that I had been taken away by a child lifter. He had lost his son. It was towards late evening that they got the message of a boy been found at a Police Station, near the Railway Station. They rushed to the spot, praying all through the way. And there I was sitting & playing Chor Police, giggling & running around. Later Maa, with tears in her eyes, just hugged me, and would not leave me for a second. As if she had got back her life. It was a scene full of drama….complete blockbuster of a movie. Both of us hugging & asking each other, “Where did you get lost??? Did you get hurt ???

To this day, I don’t know who the young man was who brought me to the Police Station safely & left me there. Baba tried his best to trace the person, but no one could find him. People described him as a young boy in his teens, who spoke very less, who was very soft in words & was always smiling. He had left giving me a hug & a kiss on my forehead, & had told the police men to feed me & keep me busy with stories. (Any guesses???) I believe it was GOD (Guruji on Duty), who did His bit to protect me.
Probably it was Providence saying that I would always be footloose & full of adventure!!!!.