Thursday, July 8, 2010

Life sucks....sometimes !!!!

2010 till now has been a huge challenge for me. Be it at work or personal front. Just nothing seems to be going right, & I think the edges of frustration has started to show up.....even for me....behind the normal quiet & smiling disposition, I have started feeling the heat.

At work, it has been going from bad to worse......from the 1st day of the year, even the best of the deals have been going wrong....from a position of strength in December, when everything looked hunky dory....it has gradually sunk to abysmal levels, where even mere survival has become a challenge. Whatever mandates I am working on are all going through an unbelievable low.....just simply crumbling. All efforts are yielding no results & more frustration is creeping in. I am getting into regular arguments with my Managing Partner, & his confidence in my abilities clearly seems to be waning......not his fault, I guess. Its finally the bottom line that matters. With business booming & economy showing promise, such a pathetic state is hard to comprehend. The more efforts we are putting in, the more its going into a loop & the more the frustration is creeping in. The last straw in this crisis situation has been my team members deciding to move on.....one leaving for a better opportunity & the other returning back to Delhi, due to spouse's transfer. Cant blame them or hold them back, & here I am left all alone to face the music....or shall I say cacophony....mayhem !!!!!

On the personal front, its been a catch 22 situation. At the beginning of the year, I had planned to get things organised at the work front, get momentum & make some good money & then take a couple of weeks off to attend to personal issues. However, as always, things don't work the way one plans, & surely enough, I got sucked into more & more work, leaving my personal issues unattended. As a result, my parents are unhappy, my daughter, who has delivered a baby boy recently is unhappy, my friends are unhappy, my near & dear ones are unhappy, & for once I don't know where to start. If I address one issue, the other flares up, & vice e versa......a very close friend & his wife met with a freak accident on their daughter's Bday....the wife expired & the friend & the child are in a complete state of shock.....am at my wits end to help them recover, a teenager, who looks upto me as a mentor, has got into bad company & habits & I am struggling to bring him out of all that,.......small or big, right now there are just too many issues to handle.....life indeed has been very very challenging...without any respite. Life indeed has been a struggle.
Music, which would provide me the comfort, has been in back burner....sports, which has always kept me charged, is not getting any attention. Even backing up my favourite team Brazil at the World Cup football, had to go wrong.......even writing on my Blog has become irregular...so many topics to write on, but just not able to put my mind......Ouch!!!.....just nothing seems to be working.......
Feel like screaming out.......but then all I manage is a tired reticent smile.......what keeps me going is the hope that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long....So lets hope....lets wait, lets pray & lets just smile.......

In these trying times, as always, I try & keep myself motivated & pushed ahead by a song, written by Nobel Laureate Rabindra Nath Tagore, (a favourite of my idol, Subhas Chandra Bose)...... Jodi tor dak shune keu na aashe, tobe ekla cholo re......the song urges & exhorts to continue your journey, despite abandonment or lack of support or challenges in life.....

They say that, good times & bad times....all pass by....the wheel of time makes you experience both the highs & the lows in life..... Present moment is inevitable....accept people & situation as they are......this will also pass !!!!.....'But When' is the big question!!!!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am sure you will succeed, so dont give up.I have been following your blogs, & you are clearly a fighter. All the best.
Best,

Ketki

sharada said...

I totally agree with Ketki....dont give up....ur my best friend...n as far as i know we have never learned to give up....problems come problems go...sometimes the wave is big sometimes small..do take out sometime n catch up with ur near n dear ones u ll feel better....

take care