Tuesday, June 6, 2017

News Flash **** News Flash **** News Flash

In other news, India decimated Pakistan all ends up in the Champions Trophy match at Birmingham on 4th June. 
Here are various reactions to this win:

*Pakistan Government* denies that it ever sent a cricket team to Birmingham. It says the evidence provided by India is doctored. It challenges India to produce "unequivocal evidence" and not merely claim it won the match yesterday.
*NDTV* has supported Pakistan's claim.
*Manishankar Aiyer* claimed "in fact Pakistan won the match"..... he was referring to the toss won by Pakistan. On probing further, he retorted, "that's exactly what I meant - winning the toss is winning the game - was he whining ??
*Arundhati Roy* has claimed that whilst Prima Facie there is no evidence that India defeated Pakistan, if it did so, it was a gross violation of the rights of innocent Pakistanis. She plans to go to International Human Rights Commission for getting this investigated. She is in fact already planning to write a short story on this - sources say, she's been promised adequate funding for this 
*Shashi Tharoor* has said it is an "exasperating farrago of distortions, misrepresentations & outright lies being broadcast by an unprincipled showman masquerading as a journalist". When the journalist tried to search for the meaning of Tharoor's words, the computer crashed & Mr Tharoor has been unavailable for further comments. 
*Nidhi Razdan* meanwhile ousted Sambit Patra from the debate when he claimed that Pakistan lost the match. She is rumoured to have contacted Omar Abdullah to intervene - Mr Abdullah has said - "it will embolden the stone pelters to sacrifice their lives by joining Pakistan cricket team." 
*Ravish Kumar* could not be seen since the screen was kept black in mourning
*Kejriwal* said that if Pakistan lost, it was probably due to "hacking of the scoreboard" and challenged ICC to have a rematch. For the rematch, he wants EVM machines (specially designed & experimented by AAP) to be installed for end results. 
*Prashant Bhushan* plans to take this to Supreme Court at around 2 am.
*Inzamam Ul Haq* was asked about the match. He said a lot, but all we could understand was: "The boys played well & everyone got a chance to bat".
*Rahul Gandhi* said he would have to analyze the results and meditate before commenting. He has already spoken of reading Gita & Upanisads. He is going to Bangkok for a month for the same purpose.
*Akhilesh Yadav*, when asked about the match first wanted to know how many players from Gujarat were in the winning team.
*Arun Jaitley* directly described the win as a result of demonetisation.
*Amit Shah* said this win is a proof that the people want BJP government in 2019.
*Yogi Adityanath* said Pakistan lost because it ate beef.
*Trump* has sent a confusing tweet congratulating India. It strangely reads: "Covfefe"
A correspondent tried to contact *Arnab Goswami* to know his reaction. He has since gone deaf, so we will never know Arnab's reaction.
- News Compiled by a bold anonymous correspondent, with some cosmetic changes by Yours Truly. 


Shampa Bhattacharya said...

This is the best read on the subject. So tremendously apt, I almost choked laughing !!!! Great work Bips.. Please keep it rolling!